i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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