I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
