I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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