What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
