In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So much rum. So many feels.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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