saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize