Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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