I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
