it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
