Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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