my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
