Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
