just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
