Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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