I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
