Will you blow on my dice?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
