you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
