Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
