Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
