They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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