i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
