If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
They are going to name an STD after you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
