Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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