That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
