Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
