Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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