I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
ugly people sure do ruin things
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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