just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
