I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
