Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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