I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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