It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
