I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
