Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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