Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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