I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
"it" just moved
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
