Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
