I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
