even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
