my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
