why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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