so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
