you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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