Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
