I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my shit smells like andre
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
