my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize