Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
