There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
