I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
