When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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