Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
