i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
