It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
