It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize