i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
