i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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