I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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