There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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