i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
