he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
