im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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