Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
