So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
