Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
