God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
