1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
