I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
