3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
