Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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