If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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