You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
