just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
