How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
