i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
