I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
